Certainty

A mathematician once said that the greatest danger to humanity is certainty. Man is capable of committing terrible acts when a warped or paranoid point of view is backed by certainty, he argued. Funny that a mathematician would argue against certainty. But I suppose being certain that four plus four equals eight is not a dangerous point of view.

My friend Alan says that we can’t be certain about anything, too. Although I am pretty sure he argues against certainty not because of a deeply held philosophical position, but because it’s fun to challenge people expressing utter certainty. When someone states an opinion with total conviction in a conversation his eyes sparkle and then he’ll ask, “Are you sure? Are you really sure? Can any of us really be one-hundred sure about anything?” Inevitably, the person with the strongly held opinion will restate their certainty. That’s when it gets fun.

We were at the bar in a TGI Fridays once when Alan got into it with a guy about the war, or something. Alan did his “are you sure” routine and the guy reasserted his absolute certainty. So Alan asked, “What about giving right-of-way to wailing ambulances? Are you certain that’s the right thing to do?” The guy agreed. Then Alan asked, “But what if the ambulance rushing up behind you in traffic contained the bullet-ridden body of the Antichrist shot by international undercover monks? What then?!” The guy was confused. “Sure, let the ambulance by so that doctors have more time to save the Antichrist because you were certain that ambulances have the right of way!”

The guy looked at me and I shrugged. Alan sat there smiling and then pantomimed shooting a basketball and celebrating the successful shot just as I had a mouthful of beer. I hate it when he does that.