A mathematician once said that the greatest danger to humanity is certainty. Man is capable of committing terrible acts when a warped or paranoid point of view is backed by certainty, he argued. Funny that a mathematician would argue against certainty. But I suppose being certain that four plus four equals eight is not a dangerous point of view.
My friend Alan says that we can’t be certain about anything, too. Although I am pretty sure he argues against certainty not because of a deeply held philosophical position, but because it’s fun to challenge people expressing utter certainty. When someone states an opinion with total conviction in a conversation his eyes sparkle and then he’ll ask, “Are you sure? Are you really sure? Can any of us really be one-hundred sure about anything?” Inevitably, the person with the strongly held opinion will restate their certainty. That’s when it gets fun.
We were at the bar in a TGI Fridays once when Alan got into it with a guy about the war, or something. Alan did his “are you sure” routine and the guy reasserted his absolute certainty. So Alan asked, “What about giving right-of-way to wailing ambulances? Are you certain that’s the right thing to do?” The guy agreed. Then Alan asked, “But what if the ambulance rushing up behind you in traffic contained the bullet-ridden body of the Antichrist shot by international undercover monks? What then?!” The guy was confused. “Sure, let the ambulance by so that doctors have more time to save the Antichrist because you were certain that ambulances have the right of way!”
The guy looked at me and I shrugged. Alan sat there smiling and then pantomimed shooting a basketball and celebrating the successful shot just as I had a mouthful of beer. I hate it when he does that.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friendship
The human race is distinct from all other mammals for a number of obvious reasons; speech, memory, reason. However, a trait that truly makes us most different from all other creatures is friendship. The ability and desire to form lasting bonds with humans other than a mate just to enjoy conviviality is conspicuously human.
Friendship did not start out as a social arrangement, however. Homo Sapien were gatherers to start. Food was whatever could be found and it was usually vegetables and fruits. At some point it was discovered that eating the flesh of animals helped Homo Sapien to gain more weight. With another ice age coming this was important. But it was difficult for one man to catch and kill animals large enough to produce much meat. So he was forced to become social and cultivate friendships with beings other than his mate to catch animals.
Often I dream of my friend Alan and I trying to catch a wild boar together in the scrub brush. We are both running and alive, collaborating to outwit a lesser mammal. The prehistoric air is flowing though our long hair and we are one. But then Alan falls in a hole breaking his leg. And I leave him there because, you know, survival of the fittest, baby.
Friendship did not start out as a social arrangement, however. Homo Sapien were gatherers to start. Food was whatever could be found and it was usually vegetables and fruits. At some point it was discovered that eating the flesh of animals helped Homo Sapien to gain more weight. With another ice age coming this was important. But it was difficult for one man to catch and kill animals large enough to produce much meat. So he was forced to become social and cultivate friendships with beings other than his mate to catch animals.
Often I dream of my friend Alan and I trying to catch a wild boar together in the scrub brush. We are both running and alive, collaborating to outwit a lesser mammal. The prehistoric air is flowing though our long hair and we are one. But then Alan falls in a hole breaking his leg. And I leave him there because, you know, survival of the fittest, baby.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Cloning
Biologists love cloning. I suppose it might be because it’s great fun creating new life in a nice clean lab rather than going about it the messy and old-fashioned way. The amazing part is that cloned life is absolutely identical to the original organism. And we’re not talking simple one-celled organisms; biologists created a completely new sheep in 1997 named “Dolly” by cloning, and it was genetically identical to the sheep from which it was cloned. Not sure why they chose a sheep to clone since sheep are all identical anyway. Apparently they are not identical to biologists. Probably shepherds have their favorites, too.
The real reason biologists love cloning, however, is because of the ethical issues surronding human cloning.
Most thinkers involved in the debate over whether humans ought to be cloned agree that cloning humans is unethical. However, biologists secretly want nothing more than to clone humans. They're like boys with matches; they know it’s dangerous and that terrible things might happen. But that’s exactly why they most want to clone humans anyhow. Biologists are dying to clone a human. Every biologist that you read about or see on television is trying to act all grave when talking about how serious an issue it is when considering cloning humans. But you can see in their eyes that they're just peeing in their pants because they want to clone a human so badly. They can't stand it.
Without a doubt, some day a human clone will be made. And as it crashes down the street creating havoc and taking over the world you can be sure that the biologists will be standing there sheepishly, hiding beakers behind their backs and pointing at the chemists as if they did it.
The real reason biologists love cloning, however, is because of the ethical issues surronding human cloning.
Most thinkers involved in the debate over whether humans ought to be cloned agree that cloning humans is unethical. However, biologists secretly want nothing more than to clone humans. They're like boys with matches; they know it’s dangerous and that terrible things might happen. But that’s exactly why they most want to clone humans anyhow. Biologists are dying to clone a human. Every biologist that you read about or see on television is trying to act all grave when talking about how serious an issue it is when considering cloning humans. But you can see in their eyes that they're just peeing in their pants because they want to clone a human so badly. They can't stand it.
Without a doubt, some day a human clone will be made. And as it crashes down the street creating havoc and taking over the world you can be sure that the biologists will be standing there sheepishly, hiding beakers behind their backs and pointing at the chemists as if they did it.
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