Fishing is a curious activity. At any moment millions of people are fishing for enjoyment while - at the same time - millions of other people are fishing for a living. No other human endeavor is like that. Think about it: right now on a bay somewhere humans on vacation are relaxing and having a good time as they try to pull fish out of the water. Meanwhile, just across the bay, other humans are at work sweating and cursing as they try to pull fish out of the water.
I wonder what would happen if all these people switched places for a moment. Do you think that the working fisherman would have a new appreciation for his job? Do you think that the sportsman would see his diversion in a new light? Do you think that everyone would understand each other just a little better if they exchanged places? Maybe. But more likely as they switched boats everyone would get in a big huge sword fight using their fishing rods.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Childlessness
The western calendar is a lumbering thing; it was established by Julius Caesar in 47 BC and has trudged forward ever since. Along the way it has required retooling to keep its progression of days and months in line with the cycles of the moon and stars.
In fact, due to a mistake in the original design of the calendar, ten days were deleted one year by edict of the Pope. It was the summer of 1582 and the Vatican discovered that Caesar's year was twelve-and-a-half minutes too long. Consequently, after centuries of this inaccuracy the calendar had been thrown way off. So Pope Gregory XIII - a man of action - decreed that every year divisible by 400 should become a leap year to compensate. He further decreed that ten days in October of 1582 were to be deleted so that the calendar could catch up. October 4, 1582 was to be called October 15, 1582 and no arguments were heard.
Just like that, ten days of everyone's life was gone. What if your birthday fell on October tenth? What if you had reservations at a hotel in Tunis on the eighth? Of course the jump ahead was a bonus to the imprisoned everywhere.
My friend Alan said he thought the Pope did this because one of his kids had a test at school on a day that was deleted and hadn't studied for it. Alan believed the Vatican public relations machine wanted to avoid the negative attention a Pope kids' failure might bring to the Pontiff, the Vatican and the Church at large. I explained to Alan that the Pope is always celibate and has no children. Alan was electrified by this news because he also has no children and it's not easy for him to meet other mature men who don't have kids. He wanted to meet the current Pope as soon as possible.
Alan started pouring out his heart in letters to the Pope. He wrote constantly and passionately about his feelings and how close he felt to the Pope since every one that Alan knew had children and it was tough socializing. He fantasized in his letters about going on weekend trips with the Pope and maybe getting in some fishing. His letters went unanswered for a time.
After a few months two enormous priests who said they were good friends of the Pope visited Alan. They inquired as to why Alan was so enamored of the Holy Father and he told them it was because he had no children just like the Pope. Then the priests asked if Alan planned to have children in the future. He said that once he met the right woman he would. The priests replied that if Alan would like ever to meet those children he should stop writing letters to His Holiness. They then left abruptly.
Later, Alan told me nervously that the postage to Rome was getting a little expensive anyway.
In fact, due to a mistake in the original design of the calendar, ten days were deleted one year by edict of the Pope. It was the summer of 1582 and the Vatican discovered that Caesar's year was twelve-and-a-half minutes too long. Consequently, after centuries of this inaccuracy the calendar had been thrown way off. So Pope Gregory XIII - a man of action - decreed that every year divisible by 400 should become a leap year to compensate. He further decreed that ten days in October of 1582 were to be deleted so that the calendar could catch up. October 4, 1582 was to be called October 15, 1582 and no arguments were heard.
Just like that, ten days of everyone's life was gone. What if your birthday fell on October tenth? What if you had reservations at a hotel in Tunis on the eighth? Of course the jump ahead was a bonus to the imprisoned everywhere.
My friend Alan said he thought the Pope did this because one of his kids had a test at school on a day that was deleted and hadn't studied for it. Alan believed the Vatican public relations machine wanted to avoid the negative attention a Pope kids' failure might bring to the Pontiff, the Vatican and the Church at large. I explained to Alan that the Pope is always celibate and has no children. Alan was electrified by this news because he also has no children and it's not easy for him to meet other mature men who don't have kids. He wanted to meet the current Pope as soon as possible.
Alan started pouring out his heart in letters to the Pope. He wrote constantly and passionately about his feelings and how close he felt to the Pope since every one that Alan knew had children and it was tough socializing. He fantasized in his letters about going on weekend trips with the Pope and maybe getting in some fishing. His letters went unanswered for a time.
After a few months two enormous priests who said they were good friends of the Pope visited Alan. They inquired as to why Alan was so enamored of the Holy Father and he told them it was because he had no children just like the Pope. Then the priests asked if Alan planned to have children in the future. He said that once he met the right woman he would. The priests replied that if Alan would like ever to meet those children he should stop writing letters to His Holiness. They then left abruptly.
Later, Alan told me nervously that the postage to Rome was getting a little expensive anyway.
Monday, January 22, 2007
The Human Spirit
Driving though tunnels and over bridges always fills me with pride. Simply to believe that we could tunnel under rivers and mountains or span great bodies of water with steel and concrete clearly proclaims the greatness of human spirit.
I always have felt this way. Even as a child I was enamored of humankind's ability to build such great things. In fourth grade I built a model of the Hoover Dam for my class science project. It had working valves and I used real water to display its operations.
My friend Alan was jealous because his project didn't turn out. During my presentation he asked me in front of the class whether the Hoover Dam could withstand a serious earthquake. I wasn't sure and while I hesitated to answer he ran up to the front of class and shook my project violently. It started to fall apart and water splashed everywhere. All the other students laughed.
To this day, whenever the Hoover Dam comes up in conversation, I get mad at Alan and I won't speak to him. My wife says that I am being childish. But she didn't work for weeks making a model of the Hoover Dam with working valves and real water in it and everything.
I always have felt this way. Even as a child I was enamored of humankind's ability to build such great things. In fourth grade I built a model of the Hoover Dam for my class science project. It had working valves and I used real water to display its operations.
My friend Alan was jealous because his project didn't turn out. During my presentation he asked me in front of the class whether the Hoover Dam could withstand a serious earthquake. I wasn't sure and while I hesitated to answer he ran up to the front of class and shook my project violently. It started to fall apart and water splashed everywhere. All the other students laughed.
To this day, whenever the Hoover Dam comes up in conversation, I get mad at Alan and I won't speak to him. My wife says that I am being childish. But she didn't work for weeks making a model of the Hoover Dam with working valves and real water in it and everything.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Superstitiousness
How is it possible for enormous ships of steel to float? The sharp prows of aircraft carriers are so thin as they slash through the waves. To the eye it appears that they float in defiance of physical sense.
The secret is buoyancy - but it has to be the right kind. The three types of buoyancy are positive, neutral and negative. Positive buoyancy is floating above the surface; neutral is suspension below the surface and negative is sinking to the bottom.
A ship that floats above the surface is said to have positive buoyancy. This is why everyone on a vacation cruise is so happy. They are in a craft that is described as positively buoyant. Can't you just feel the giddy good feelings on board? "Hey everyone, we're positively buoyant! Yahoo," the captain might say from his table after he's had a few. Standing with his glass raised high he says, "Here's to hoping we’re never negatively buoyant!" That's the silent moment when many guests look at each other in panic, put down their drinks and find wood to knock on as fast as they can. Then they return to their tables and drink to the tipsy captain's toast.
Some guests don't knock on wood because they think superstition is stupid. They're the ones chosen last for lifeboats.
The secret is buoyancy - but it has to be the right kind. The three types of buoyancy are positive, neutral and negative. Positive buoyancy is floating above the surface; neutral is suspension below the surface and negative is sinking to the bottom.
A ship that floats above the surface is said to have positive buoyancy. This is why everyone on a vacation cruise is so happy. They are in a craft that is described as positively buoyant. Can't you just feel the giddy good feelings on board? "Hey everyone, we're positively buoyant! Yahoo," the captain might say from his table after he's had a few. Standing with his glass raised high he says, "Here's to hoping we’re never negatively buoyant!" That's the silent moment when many guests look at each other in panic, put down their drinks and find wood to knock on as fast as they can. Then they return to their tables and drink to the tipsy captain's toast.
Some guests don't knock on wood because they think superstition is stupid. They're the ones chosen last for lifeboats.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Animal Souls
A scientist once conducted experiments to discover whether living beings had souls. He was a metaphysician trying to prove that life hereafter existed. His inquiry began with animals. In the first experiment he postulated that if dogs had souls they it would weigh less dead than alive because their souls would be gone. So he weighed a living dog, killed it and then weighed it dead. The result? The dog's weight remained unchanged, and the metaphysician concluded that dogs have no soul.
We can chuckle at this silly business now because science has come such a long way since then. Today, hundreds of years later, even lay persons can clearly see the folly in this experiment: the breed of dog used was a poodle and everyone knows that poodles have no souls. We stand on the shoulders of great scientists who lived before us.
My friend Alan and I discussed the dog soul experiment recently when we met for lunch in town. I maintained that the experiment was a flop because its experimental design was faulty. Alan believed that the experiment was a success because a poodle died.
We can chuckle at this silly business now because science has come such a long way since then. Today, hundreds of years later, even lay persons can clearly see the folly in this experiment: the breed of dog used was a poodle and everyone knows that poodles have no souls. We stand on the shoulders of great scientists who lived before us.
My friend Alan and I discussed the dog soul experiment recently when we met for lunch in town. I maintained that the experiment was a flop because its experimental design was faulty. Alan believed that the experiment was a success because a poodle died.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Oxygen
Photosynthesis is a foundation of nature. Rain, sun and carbon dioxide combine to nourish vegetation and then plants grow yielding oxygen, which humans need to survive. Geologists say that after the atmosphere was created by erupting volcanoes billions of years ago, there was no oxygen. It was mostly carbon dioxide. As basic plants grew, their photosynthetic activity gave off oxygen, enough to fill the earth's atmosphere. That's a lot of oxygen. And here we are today, breathing without a care.
Scuba diving is when you realize how lucky we are to have plants making oxygen. If they hadn’t, imagine the daily problems we would experience wearing those cumbersome scuba tanks. Forget trying to fit into a fancy sports car with those things on, try sleeping.
In this context it's clear from where the phrase, "Dumb as a houseplant" comes: plants are giving off oxygen for free when they could be making top dollar. The unused power plants possess is staggering - they could be ruling the world. That's why whenever my friend Alan walks by a tree or a plant he snickers, nudges me with his elbow and points. After we are a few feet past the plant, Alan will say, "Sucker," just loud enough to hear and take a dramatically huge free breath. Then we run like hell.
Scuba diving is when you realize how lucky we are to have plants making oxygen. If they hadn’t, imagine the daily problems we would experience wearing those cumbersome scuba tanks. Forget trying to fit into a fancy sports car with those things on, try sleeping.
In this context it's clear from where the phrase, "Dumb as a houseplant" comes: plants are giving off oxygen for free when they could be making top dollar. The unused power plants possess is staggering - they could be ruling the world. That's why whenever my friend Alan walks by a tree or a plant he snickers, nudges me with his elbow and points. After we are a few feet past the plant, Alan will say, "Sucker," just loud enough to hear and take a dramatically huge free breath. Then we run like hell.
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