Scientists recently demoted Pluto from planet status to something called a “dwarf planet.” Astronomers belonging to the International Astronomical Union contend that if Pluto were to remain a planet then many more bodies similar in size to Pluto that orbit our sun would also have to be designated planets.
Lots of people were upset by Pluto’s demotion, including my friend Alan. He said angrily over a beer, “You grow up thinking you understand the solar system and then a bunch of self-important science smarties think they can just come along and change the whole deal. What the hell?!” His closing exclamation drew the attention of several at the bar and Alan quieted down.
Later on, it was obvious that he had not stopped thinking about the plight of Pluto, and Alan blurted out, “Who in the hell do the members of the International Astronomical Union think they are anyway?” When we were asked to leave by a bouncer Alan put his hands up in that “don’t-touch-me-I’m-leaving” gesture.
Several days later Alan discovered that not only had Pluto been demoted, but that it also was renamed to “134340.” Alan went berserk. He drove directly to the offices of the International Astronomical Union – a surprisingly unimpressive building given the organization’s name. At the receptionist’s desk he demanded to speak to the person in charge. Turns out Alan was at the International Astrological Union; The International Astronomical Union is headquartered in France.
Just as he was about to get very angry, out of the blue the receptionist asked Alan for the date of his birthday. Such a personal question from a stranger startled Alan. He told her his birthday and then the receptionist went into a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about Alan’s starsign and how it influenced events in his life. In a soothing voice she told Alan that the indignity of Pluto’s demotion angered him so because he himself felt unappreciated. Of course, this wall all Alan had to hear. It was as if the universe suddenly made sense to him -- damn right, nobody understood him.
Not only did he fall in love on the spot with the receptionist, but he conceived of a new movement to give power to all those who felt unappreciated. Within a week Alan had printed 100 “I am Pluto” t-shirts and he began his campaign. Local journalists were curious at first because they thought Alan might be one of those space-wackos who wear tin foil-lined hats. But Alan went strait from being a news story to being a guest on the local morning show when they discovered “I am Pluto” was a new self-help movement. Alan was a hit.
Read more about Alan’s new adventure in the next installment of My Friend Alan.
3 comments:
Dear Alan's Friend:
Alan may have a problem with his "I am Pluto" movement. Isn't Pluto also a fairly well-known Disney Character? Specifically, a big, goofy dog? What kind of compassion or support would be engendered by the idea that someone considers himself analogous to an inane cartoon character? Not bloody much, I would wager. Now maybe "I am The Roadrunner" could work... But then, we lose the Astronomy (or is it Astrology??) connection... Think of something.
With love,
Paco
P.S. Keep on keeping on with your blog! It brings a welcome and dependable smile to all of your readers. At least for this reader.
Good point. Although, it's my opinion that if you look into the eyes of a dog and think of something sad, it looks as if what you're thinking of is happening to the dog.
Actually, Paco has a good point. For example, the people who made Popeye cartoons way back when had an issue with the character Bluto because the Disney folks thought it sounded too much like the dog. They had to change it to Brutus due to the pressure, thus beginning years of childhood confusion and disillusionment (at least for me). Those Disney guys were rough then and it's even worse now. I was making pancakes for my son last week and three of them accidentally fused together, and I swear the phone rang right then. I know it was the Disney lawyers sensing that a non-approved Mickey had just inadvertently been created in the presence of a child. I've heard that the guys from the NSA move to Disney when they get bored listening to phone calls and want to see some real action.
Frankly, if you ask me, I think that Pluto is just fine as a planet, but the Walties (that's what I call their goons) finally got to the Astronomy guys and made their point clear, if you know what I mean.
You tell Alan that, in a way, we're all Pluto. Each and every one of us.
Your pal,
Oswald P. Sleeve
p.s. What's wrong with the foil in the hat? It's not like anybody can see it. And you get used to it pretty fast.
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