Modern Medicine

Medical doctors lead double lives. Their profession is saturated with tradition; when graduating from medical school new doctors recite an oath created by the father of medicine, Hippocrates, who lived in Greece around 400 B.C. Yet at the same time medical technology roars forward as it creates newly synthesized medications and advanced therapies.

In this time of change it would seem that doctors might themselves suffer from a crisis of identity. That's why there are several growing movements demanding that medicine return to its roots. Many doctors and medical professionals believe that ancient healing methods such as acupuncture, herbal therapy and spinal manipulation are superior and more humane than modern methods.

My friend Alan went to an alternative care physician for his hernia. He wasn't sure what to expect but Alan always has been interested in this sort of thing; he was the first person I knew who stopped eating bacon. Anyway, the doctor recommended against surgery for the hernia and suggested Alan undergo a sacred therapy that had been practiced for centuries and was currently enjoying a renaissance in the East.

Alan was excited and agreed immediately but things didn't turn out as he planned. I don't know exactly what happened because Alan wont talk about it. But it turns out that this doctor was practicing something called the "Kiss and Make It Better" method. I suppose this practice is based on the centuries-old tradition of mothers kissing the wounds of their young children to stop their crying. Anyway, the doctor kissed Alan on his hernia and Alan punched the doctor in the mouth.

Later, after showering incessantly for two days, Alan joked that the doctor couldn't treat his punch in the mouth with the Kiss and Make It Better method since it's impossible to kiss your own mouth.