Vulnerability

When are you at your most vulnerable? When your heart is broken? When you are incapacitated by illness or injury? I think it's when you're in the shower.

Sometimes when I'm in the shower and the rushing water is loud enough so that any noise from outside the bathroom is just barely audible, my imagination runs wild. I think, "What the hell was that?! Was my front door just kicked in?!" Then I’ll turn off the shower and stand silently and soapy for five minutes until I am sure I was imagining the sound.

I tried to overcome my shower fear for years and finally discovered a solution. I installed those little cameras all over my house and hooked them up to monitors installed in my shower. I spent all my savings but there is no better feeling than taking a long hot shower and watching my tranquil house.

Some believe that you're most vulnerable when you sneeze. Even though it's only for a moment, you are totally disabled. It's impossible to keep your eyes open, your body convulses. And if it's a whole string of sneezes, forget about defending yourself. You are at the mercy of the world when you sneeze.

Americans say "God bless you," because they are concerned that you will be killed when you're sneezing. Germans say, “Gazuntheidt,” which roughly translates to, “Weakling!” The French say, “A vos souhaite,” which means, “Don't get any on me, idiot.”

An obscure Buddhist sect worships the sneeze. Sneezing is meditation to them. They believe that it's the only time a human completely loses attachment to self-consciousness. The ego vanishes in the moment of a sneeze, they believe. And when the ego is gone that's when God is present inside you. The sneeze is divine to this sect.

My friend Alan traveled to their monastery during his search for meaning in the 60's. He said that the monks sat cross-legged in their cavernous temple. All around them reverence filled the thick silent air. At their feet were sacred hand-gilded bowls full to the brim with black pepper. The head monk at the front would say the sacred word and all the monks would take a pinch of pepper and snort it up. As they all sneezed the divine spirit filled the temple and each one of them. They would repeat this ceremony for twelve hours at a time.

Alan decided not to join that sect after all. But he did bring back one of their sacred bowls that he actually uses to serve pepper on the dinner table. He's not found a salt bowl to match it and I know that bothers Alan.